She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
