You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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