I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
