...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
