I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
