I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
