You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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