Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
