he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
