In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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