guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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