Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
