im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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