We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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