I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize