I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Found your dick twin last night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
