Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Everything about him screamed your future.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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