I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
