Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
