Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
