mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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