You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
