i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Randomize
