okay pat passed out under dana's car
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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