We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
