Moan for me like Helen Keller
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
