Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
