who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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