There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
