yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
