note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
