if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
