I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
