Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
