I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm bleeding and have questions
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
