She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize