Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
