I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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