Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
