I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize