I wish they made helmets for livers.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize