Christians are straight up FREAKS
he thought i was a dude.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
