just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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