I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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