Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
