I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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