Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I intend to get homeless drunk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
