:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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