false alarm. still invincible.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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