oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
