Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
