Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
