why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
