He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
