At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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