I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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