I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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