Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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