This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
