remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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