five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
