I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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