I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
