peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
