So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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