I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
