standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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