Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
