GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize