SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize