I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
