at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
