I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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